


the worth of things

by thisissirius



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Post-Tsunami (9-1-1)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24310957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: Sitting on the edge of a cot he thinks about going home. It’s probably the best option, but Christopher’s still out there and Buck’s not going to leave him to suffer alone. He’s not. His arm will be fine, he just needs to keep going.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 825





	the worth of things

**Author's Note:**

> written for an anon on tumblr!

Buck hangs up on Maddie.

It makes him feel like a dick, but he can’t handle the thought of talking about it anymore. He’s trying _so hard_ to find Christopher. His arm stings, his body is screaming at him to stop, and his heart hasn’t stopped hammering in his chest.

“Thanks, man,” he says, giving the phone back to its owner.

The guy nods, looks at Buck’s arm. “You should get that seen to.”

“Yeah,” Buck waves a hand and promises he will, which seems to do the trick. Instead, Buck knows Eddie is here somewhere, knows he’s gonna find out Buck lost his kid, and everything’s gonna end. Buck’s gonna lose his best friend, his family, everything. He doesn’t have firefighting; what’s he supposed to do now?

Sitting on the edge of a cot he thinks about going home. It’s probably the best option, but Christopher’s still out there and Buck’s not going to leave him to suffer alone. He’s not. His arm will be fine, he just needs to keep going.

Eddie walks through the VA hospital, double-takes because he thinks he sees Buck. On closer inspection it’s not, and he forces himself to calm down. Chris is safe at home. Part of him wants to call and find out, but he’s pulled in a different direction, a nurse looking for help.

It’s the first time Eddie’s skills have been tested under pressure on such a scale since Afghanistan and his body is not going to thank him for it the next morning. He’s barely seen other members of his team and he’s just considering taking five when he spots someone jumping out of a truck, a familiar figure in her arms.

“Chris?”

“Dad!”

Fuck, what the _fuck_. Eddie’s there in a second, taking his son from the woman’s arms. It’s on the tip of his tongue to ask what the fuck is going on, when she smiles.

“Are you Buck?”

Eddie frowns. “No, I’m his father, Eddie.”

The woman nods. “He was looking for Buck.”

It takes Eddie a moment to realize what she’s saying. “Buck’s not with him?”

“No,” she says. “He was on the truck, but he—”

“I lost him, Dad,” Christopher says against his neck, and Eddie cradles the back of his head, wants to take Chris and hide. What the fuck was he doing in the middle of the tsunami? Where’s Buck? “I fell and I couldn’t find him.”

Eddie closes his eyes, forces himself to calm down. “How long?”

There’s a flurry of activity behind him and he looks up to see Bobby, Hen, and Chim coming towards him. Eddie doesn’t know what to say, feels himself shaking, and tries to take deep breaths.

“Is Buck here?” Bobby crouches down.

“I lost him,” Christopher says.

 _He lost you_ , Eddie thinks but doesn’t say. It’s not fair. Buck’s not at fault for a tsunami.

A hand on his cheek brings him back to the moment, and Eddie looks at his son. “We need to find Buck. He saved me.”

Eddie frowns. “Chris, we need to get you home—”

“No,” Chris says immediately, clinging to Eddie’s shoulders. “Buck’s looking for me, Dad, he wouldn’t just—”

Of fucking course. Eddie hates himself for not thinking about it. Buck loves his son and Eddie trusts him more than anybody else on the planet with Chris’ safety. The list is extremely short. If Chris is here and Buck isn’t, that means Buck is out there somewhere, trying to find Chris.

“Cap.”

“Take Chris home,” Cap says.

“No,” Chris says, bottom lip wobbling. He looks Eddie in the eye. “I can’t go because Buck wouldn’t go.”

Eddie wants to take his son home. He wants to close the door on the world and never leave. Instead, Hen rests a hand on his shoulder. Eddie doesn’t know what she’s trying to say, but he nods.

“Chris could stay with me,” she says carefully. “We can stay in the ambulance and help people until you find Buck.”

_No._

“I promise he’ll be safe,” Hen says. “I can call Karen and she can come and get him.”

“No,” Eddie says, kissing Chris’ forehead. “I trust you. Chris, we can stay here together.”

“But Dad,” Chris says. “You’re my hero so you have to go and be Buck’s.”

Kid logic. It’s kid logic, but it’s working. Eddie doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost Chris. He knows how close he came, knows what Chris being here means, but he also knows his best friend is out there somewhere, devastated. “Alright.”

“Eddie, you know what this means.”

Eddie ignores Bobby for the moment and holds Chris’ face in his hands. “You stay with Hen, you hear me? You don’t go anywhere unless she tells you to.”

Chris nods and hugs Eddie again. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, Chris,” Eddie says, burying his face in Chris’ hair. It takes everything he’s got to hand Chris over to Hen, the father in him screaming. When he’s sure Chris is safely inside the ambulance, he stands, finding the nerves he relied on in Afghanistan. Something flickers across Bobby’s face.

“You know this isn’t gonna be easy.”

“I don’t care,” Eddie says. “Buck’s there somewhere on _blood thinners_. I would much rather be with my son right now, but my best friend’s out there, Cap.”

Bobby shares a look with Chim. “There’s nobody to spare.”

“I’ve got a radio,” Eddie says. “He can’t be far, not with how many people are flooding in here. Besides, if you see him, you can radio me.”

“I don’t like this,” Chim says.

Eddie snaps, “you don’t have to,” and claps Bobby on the arm. Bobby, thankfully, doesn’t try and get him to stop.

The roads are a mess.

Everything is a mess.

Eddie’s never seen the devastation a tsunami can cause up close and he’s not sure he wants to again. Chris was in this. His son. Buck’s still out there.

There’s a crackle from his radio and Eddie sucks in a breath. “Bobby?”

“It’s me, Dad,” Chris says, as if it should be obvious. “Mr. Bobby said I could call you.”

“That’s good,” Eddie says. His first instinct is to be angry; he can’t concentrate if he knows Chris is waiting, but he cuts those thoughts off. Chris is waiting for him because he’s gotta find Buck. Buck, who’s lost out there somewhere.

 _Dead_ , his brain supplies, but no, Eddie’s not gonna think that.

“Have you found Buck yet?”

Eddie takes a moment to close his eyes. “No. I’m still looking.”

“You should find the fire truck,” Chris says, and Eddie drags his eyes over debris, overturned cars, and dead bodies. Fuck. “We played I Spy on top and Buck told me I was like Dory.”

 _One foot in front of the other, Diaz. He’s here somewhere._ More bodies. A couple at the end of the street and Eddie picks up his pace, jogs over. “One moment, Chris. Hey, my name’s Eddie. You guys alright?”

They’re both women; one looks exhuasted, the other has a gash on her leg. “We’re looking for aid.”

“Back that way,” Eddie says, gesturing towards the VA hospital. “There’s a hospital set up and they’ll be able to help, alright?”

“Thank you,” the exhusated woman says. “Aren’t you going back that way?”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, I’m looking for someone.”

Giving them a description of Buck is hard, but Chris chimes in with what Chris was wearing. The exhuasted woman shakes her head, but the other perks up a little.

“Christopher.”

“That’s me!” Chris says through the radio.

Eddie’s breath catches when the woman shakes her head. “No, he said he was looking for Christopher.”

“Do you know where he was?” Eddie asks, hope flooding him. If she met Buck, that means he’s still alive.

Directions spotty at best, Eddie waits only long enough to make sure they know where they’re going and starts off at a jog.

Eddie almost misses him.

The road is deserted and Eddie’s beginning to think maybe Cap was right; there’s no way he’s going to be able to find Buck. He doesn’t want to fail, doesn’t want Buck to be left out in all of this devastation. Eddie can go home with Chris; Hen, Chim, Bobby. They’ve all got people to go home to, people they love who are safe. Buck’s got Maddie, but he’s alone right now. Alone and possibly injured and thinking about Chris.

Eddie’s not an idiot; he knows how much Buck cares for Chris. He’s a regular in their household, and Chris adores Buck. He’s always asking to FaceTime, to draw pictures for Buck, talking endlessly about the times they do hang out. Eddie doesn’t know what to do with it, hasn’t been able to think of anything except helping Chris through Shannon’s death.

Buck, though. He’s—something, and Eddie can’t imagine not having him _right there_.

Which, fuck, he thinks, rounding the corner and spotting a slumped figure. He knows who it is. He knows Buck better than anyone else, and when he’s got time he’ll think about that, but he skids to a stop in front of Buck.

Buck looks awful; he’s dirty from head to foot. His arm is bloody, a crude and muddy bandage around his forearm. There are scratches on his face, and tired lines all over his face. Eddie’s heart aches and he crouches down, tries to get Buck to sit up.

“Chris,” Buck says, breaking Eddie’s heart.=

“Buck,” Eddie says, cradling Buck close.

Buck tries to turn his face away, but Eddie’s gentle as he traces his thumbs over Buck’s cheeks. Eventually, Buck meets his eyes. He looks devastated, exhausted, and scared in equal measure. “i lost him.”

“Oh no, sweetheart,” Eddie says, pressing his lips to Buck’s temple. “He’s safe. I’ve seen him.”

“I,” Buck starts. Hope, now, and a little disbelief. Before he can say anything else, his face falls and he’s crying. Sobs shake his frame and Eddie pulls him close, worried about the state of Buck’s arm, the way he’s trembling and the weakness in his grip.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie says. He shifts them, tries to help Buck stand.

Buck breathes wetly into the curve of Eddie’s jaw. “M’so tired but I gotta find Chris. He’s so little, and Eddie’s gonna be mad if I come home without him.”

“I’m not mad,” Eddie says. “I’m right here and I’m not mad.”

There’s no reply, and Buck sags against him. Eddie’s gotta get back to the hospital. He moves them over to a pile of debris, where’s there’s something to prop Buck against. He kneels next to him, lets Buck rest his head against Eddie’s shoulder and holds the back of his head.

“Cap?”

“Dad?”

Buck twitches at the sound of Christopher’s voice.

“Can you get Hen or Bobby for me, Chris?”

“I’m here,” Hen says immediately. “Did you find him?”

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes and can’t help but smile at Chris’ cheer. “We might need a pickup. I don’t like how he looks,” Eddie pitches his voice lower. “Not sure if he’s got a head injury, but he doesn’t recognize me.”

“Shit,” Hen mutters. “Alright, where are you?”

Eddie lists off a rough area of the streets and cuts of contact, but not before assuring Chris they’re bringing Buck home. “Buck?”

Buck still breathing, still clutching weakly at Eddie’s work shirt. “I can’t see Eddie,” Buck says, finally lifting his head. “He’ll never speak to me again.”

If Eddie’s heart wasn’t already broken, he thinks the pieces would shatte beyond repair at the fear on Buck’s face. “I know you don’t believe me, but I promise, I’m right here and I’m not mad. Eddie won’t be mad. I’m not mad.”

It seems easier to wait it out; he holds Buck close and waits for rescue.

Buck feels like the world’s crushed him beneath its weight.

Body tired, emotionally wrung out, and fear over his future cloud him as he comes awake on a cot. He automatically panics. He’s not supposed to be here, he’s supposed to be looking for Chris!

“Easy,” someone says, pressing down on his shoulder.

Eddie. No, he’s can’t be here because that means—

Buck lets out a sob. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, Buck, no,” Eddie says, and his voice is soothing. Is Buck gonna lose that once Eddie knows? Is he gonna have to move away and maybe find something else— Eddie’s hands are on his face, forcing Buck to look him in the eye. Buck tries not to, but it’s better to get it over with. Maybe it’ll hurt less. (It won’t.) “I promise he’s safe.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, voice wobbling.

“I wouldn’t lie about this,” Eddie says, moving Buck’s face. There’s another cot next to Buck’s, and Christopher is fast asleep, buried under blankets.

“You found him?” Buck sits up too fast, feeling nauseous and dizzy, but he scrambles to reach for Chris. Eddie lets him, rocks back on his heels and Buck’s hands hover over Chris. “Can I?”

Eddie looks devastated. “Of course, Buck. Of _course_.”

Buck thinks he’s crying as he runs a hand through Chris’ hair. Chris comes awake quickly, blinking up at Buck. Buck waits, afraid Chris will hate him, but there’s a huge smile on Chris’ face and he sits up, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck.

“I knew you’d find me,” Chris says, and Buck can only bury his face in Chris’ hair, tell himself that Chris is safe over and over. “You saved me.”

 _I lost you_ , Buck thinks, but doesn’t say. He jumps when someone touches his shoulder, but it’s Eddie. Eddie kisses Buck’s temple and Buck wishes he wouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve the love Chris is throwing at him.

Chris falls back asleep quickly, still cradled in Eddie’s arms.

“What are you thinking?”

“I lost him,” Buck says, voice shaky. “I don’t—I don’t think I should look after him anymore.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything for a long moment, and when Buck meets his eyes, Eddie strokes a hand over his face, fingers warm on the back of Buck’s neck as he cradles him like he’s something precious. Buck doesn’t feel precious. He feels hollowed out, empty, afraid of losing everything. “It’s been a tough day.” Buck makes a noise, but Eddie’s grip tightens a fraction. “I’m tried, Chris is tired, and you’re exhausted. We’re going home—to mine—and I’m gonna put you into bed.”

Buck doesn’t know what to say.

“Then tomorrow, we’re gonna make breakfast and talk about this, Buck,” Eddie says.

“Can we just talk now?” Buck asks. “If you’re taking Chris away—”

“No,” Eddie says forcefully, and he leans in, kisses Buck’s birthmark. “I’m never taking Chris away from you, Buck. Not now, not ever.”

Buck doesn’t dare breathe.

“Are you listening?” Eddie doesn’t continue until Buck nods. “You saved my son. I know that, Chris knows that. One day, I hope you’ll know that. Right now, I want to make sure you’re safe, okay? You and Chris. Talking tomorrow—I just wanna know you’re okay, Buck.”

“I’m not,” Buck whispers, after a long pause. He feels his eyes sting with tears, and Eddie’s there, holding Buck gently and Buck almost can’t stand it. “I haven’t been okay for—I don’t want to do this now, I’m so tired.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Eddie says gently. “We’re just waiting for a ride, and then I promise we’re going home.”

“Home,” Buck says, trying the word. It’s not, he knows that; Eddie’s house is not his.

But then Eddie’s pulling back, wiping away Buck’s tears with gentle touches. “Home. For as long as you need it to be.”

“Don’t promise—”

“Buck,” Eddie says again. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

It feels like it should be more, but Buck’s too exhausted. He lets Eddie pull him back in, hold him and Chris both while they wait to go home. It’s a simple word, but it holds so much more. Eddie’s never lied to Buck; if he says it’s gonna be his home too, maybe Buck can believe it. For now, he’s got Chris, Eddie, and he’s safe. Not okay, not whole, but safe.


End file.
